Can your body be a safe space?
There have been a lot of conversations around the idea of “safe spaces” in the last few years. We might recall colleges creating safe spaces . And many have questioned the idea of safe space as an inherently privileged one: Is it reasonable to believe that it’s possible to create a space where everyone, everyone would feel safe?
Of course not. Some of that reason is because our ideas of safety are each so different, and our expectations of safety change by age, culture, gender identity, sexual orientation etc. The other reason is that many of us don’t feel safe within our own bodies. That’s where I spend a lot of time contemplating the idea of safety - how it relates to our experiences in our bodies.
Bessel van der kolk said in his well known book, The Body Keeps The Score,
“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves (2015, p.97).”
Is it possible, for those of us who have undergone trauma, or experience intrusive thoughts, seemingly endless periods of depression or seemingly insurmountable anxiety, ever feel safe in our bodies? Feeling all the sensations we feel?
I hope so, I believe so. I believe at the very least, it’s possible for us to move towards safety. I’m trained as an Adlerian Psychotherapist and that theory states that all of us want to belong, and contribute, and that what matters most is movement. It’s the stagnation, the stuck feeling, the lack of any kind of movement that indicates real concern. All movement gets us somewhere. All movement is a sign of life!
In a physical sense, emotions get stuck in our bodies, when they’re really meant to move through. We feel it, we name it, we give it room, it passes through. Good, bad, ugly, thorny, and sweet feelings alike. It’s in the resistance that we often experience more suffering.
Trauma informed yoga and mindfulness is a way to access that movement. It’s a great vehicle to create space for emotions (big as they can be) to move through to begin to move towards trusting your body and building up resilience to tolerate the worst of our feelings.
Poet-theologian, Joe Davis calls them “brave spaces”. I think that’s much more accurate. We can be brave together. I can support your courage and we’ll explore moving towards safety, side by side.
